Monday, October 13, 2008

I Thin I'm Pregnant!!!!

I cant believe Im pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I told myself.

Im not even having sex! (Celibate for 18 months, so I thought)

How could this be? Was I slipped something? Did the assailant slip me GHB and had his way with me?

No, I have never put myself in that situation Ive always been with my homegurls for safety. So how could this be???

I was so confused, I couldnt tell my Mom that I didnt know HOW I got pregnant.Well the doctor was telling me I was 6 months pregnant so somewhere, somehow male dna had entered my female anatomy and that was science.

Science Fiction! U cant get pregnant without sex. So I thought.

I started to question the very foundation of reproductive science I was taught in my HS anatomy class.I started questioning myself and my actions. I did gain 15 lbs since my stint as a camp counselor this summer. So that pudgy tummy I acquired was a fetus.How will I explain this to my Mother?
Aha! I wont. Cause she wont know.
I flip through the yellow pages. Agriculture..Adopting, Abortions...I explain to the lady my situation. "We cant help you ma'am, you're beyond the legal parameters"

SHIT!

Ok so I google some home remedies. Black Tea, Licorice, vitamin C.
Im at whole foods making purchases, when I feel something kick me. I turn to see if its a pesky toddler boy at my hip. No one is there, just me and my belly. I touch my stomach and to my amazement I can feel a head and a spine.

I immediately exit the organic food store. I cant kill my baby.

I come to the realization that Im not going to FSU. My dreams of interior design are over. I will be living for his/her dreams.

I am crying now as I drive back to my mothers house. I throw myself in my bed and ball myself to sleep.

I awake to knocking...

"Gal get up outta de bed. Dont forget seh u haffi tek Cutie to airport."

I walk to the mirror, lift my shirt to take a look at what I once thought was chubbiness.

She busts through the door."Wat r u doing"

In my most sleepy voice I announce....

"Mommy, Im not fat! Im pregnant"

She hisses her teeth and walks away. "U still haffi tek cutie to airport"


Damn that was a good dream!